Bitcoin Rips As Nayib Bukele Declares Victory Over Bears

SAN SALVADOR — In what officials are calling the largest anti-meme operation in modern history, President Nayib Bukele announced the arrest of 25,000 alleged members of the notorious $58k Gang, a shadowy online organization accused of spreading the dangerous conspiracy that Bitcoin's "real value" is exactly $58,000.

Authorities say the group has spent years infiltrating podcasts, Twitter threads, conference hallways, and unsuspecting group chats, repeating the same chilling phrase:

"It's actually worth fifty-eight thousand."

Investigators targeted individuals who engaged with $58k memes on Twitter and Nostr. The country of El Salvador became a magnet for Bitcoin users when the president took a public stance promoting it, passing legal tender laws, and adding it to the countries balance sheet. Many individuals flocked to the country expecting to experience freedom and a libertarian paradise, only to find a country filled with overweight Pupusa slinging women and legal structure that in which meme gangs were persecuted.

"We can tolerate volatility," Bukele reportedly said during a press conference. "We can tolerate bear markets. But we cannot tolerate meme gangs organizing and promoting narratives outside of what I approve. I will not tolerate organized bearishness in my country"

Bukele has been criticized by many human rights groups in the past for mass roundups and lack of due process while supporters have cheered how safe the country has become due to the strong arm tactics against gangs.

"One thing that is clear is the Bukele gets results. We all want the price of Bitcoin to go up and if that means a thousands of innocent memers are in jail, so be it," One pleb tweeted.