Coremunism Vs Knotzism: A Synopsis On Two Warring Ideologies That Threaten World Peace

In 1917, the Bolsheviks took power in Russia, forming the Soviet Union. 16 years later, Adolf Hitler took power in Germany starting the demise of the Weimar Republic and formation of the Third Reich. What resulted shortly after was the bloodiest grudge match in history as the two totalitarian nations waged all out war on each other.

The history is incredibly complicated and there is no way to approach it without offending the Jews, people who believe their history textbooks, and people that don't believe their history textbooks. As a credentialed journalist and not a credentialed historian, I won't try to give an uncredentialed interpretation of history. Instead, I will use history loosely as a way to interpret the present.

Today we find ourselves in the midst of a the beginnings of a war that could be so catastrophic, Bitcoin podcasters could be divided on ideological lines causing a schism so catastrophic that it could lead to a hard fork.

Before I go into this analysis, let me set the stage by defining the factions.

The Knotzis: The Western BlocK of Bitcoin Purity

Führer: Luke Dash Jr.

Minister of Propaganda: Bitcoin Mechanic

Wants to be Noticed: Samson Mow

Brown Shirt Enforcer: Justin Bechler

Junior Propagandists: Preston Pysh, Matthew Kratter, Guy Swann

Tenants:

1. Bitcoin should only be used for monetary transactions including Tether
2. Core devs shouldn't have sex
3. Spam should be filtered
4. Bitcoin is only reserved for the ideologically pure

The Coremunists: The Eastern Block Of Bitcoin Collectivism

Supreme Leader: Satoshi (Peter Todd)

Marshall of the Spammers: Jameson Lopp

Minister of Truth: Shinobi

General Secretary of Sex: Gloria Zhao

Tenants:

1. Spam is valid if they pay fees
2. Core devs should be able to have sex
3. Monkey Jpegs belong on Luke's Node
4. Bitcoin is for everyone

The War

The Battle for the soul of Bitcoin began when Satoshi (Peter Todd) launched a surprise attack in the form of a pull request on the Bitcoin Github. Todd's pull request, if merged would completely overwhelm the Knotzis defenses, rendering any defense against the Coremunists completely useless. While it was just a proposal, it threatened the stalemate between the two sides.

Various loosely affiliated factions of the Coremunists had been probing at the Knotzis defenses for well over a year at this point, launching out of band transaction attacks against their nodes but Fuhrer Luke Dash Jr's filters remained impervious to their belligerencies.

In May of 2024, the Coremunists launched an all out attack at the Knotzis, attempting to clog the entire blockchain, utilizing the most heinous pixilated images of wizards, in order to prevent them from engaging in their ideologically pure transactions. Their attack was not sustained for long as their funding quickly dried up. The Knotzis weathered the barrage by Hodling and filtering.

All had seemed peaceful. The spam wars appeared to have ended as fees rapidly dropped as quickly as the supply of goods and services under price controls. The Coremunists had launched their attack, been beaten down and the only result was that the miners were starving. The Fuhrer's node was unraped, and it seemed like a major victor for the Knotzis. Still, the Knotzis were unable to gain any strategic ground in being able to permanently filter the Coremunists.

While the miners were forced to eat their cats to avoid complete starvation, many Knotzis claimed that there was no more Bitcoin development needed, outside of adding filters as Bitcoin has already scaled. They justified this by pointing to the the low demand for block space resulting in low transaction fees.

There was a stretch of peace as both warring factions retreated to their echo chambers to enjoy hearing themselves talk. This is where we return to Peter Todd's full frontal attack on the Knotzis. He had developed a diabolical plan that would ensure that all nodes on the network would be raped with spam. Never one for securing consent, he resurfaced an old PR that would allow spammers to be able graffiti the OP_RETURN.

What resulted was a cacophony of chaos as Bitcoin podcasters, influencers, and plebs stampeded to learn what the OP_RETURN was in order to have a very strong opinion on the subject. Instantly the Knotzis launched their counter attack in the Github by questioning various individuals incentives as well as their right to have sex. Generally Github was reserved to technical discussions but quickly it devolved into a Twitter like skirmish, leading to the Marshall of Spammers, Jameson Lopp, locking down the discussion and banning multiple Knotzis from even being able to comment on the discussion.

Where the Coremunists had accused the Knotzis of censorship in the past, it was now the Coremunists who were censoring (filtering depending on your definition) the Knotzis. The arguing and finger pointing could no longer continue on Github and began to spill over to Twitter. Both sides deployed cannon fodder (plebs) to argue in the comments of their commanders posts.

While the battle waged on Twitter, on May 8th, BTC++ happened in Austin, TX where the leaders of both sides met to argue in person. Many watched, hoping to get clarity on the conflict, only to watch a rehash of what they had seen on Twitter. Many civilians felt just as confused as they had prior. But the war was only beginning.

In the following weeks, the Knotzis managed to recruit many Bitcoin podcasters, seemingly crushing the Coremunists with an overwhelming Blitzkreig. Matthew Kratter, Saifedean Ammous, and Preston Pysh launched an all out attack, quickly overwhelming Shinobi. The Coremunists were in full retreat, practicing a scorched earth policy, burning anything useful that could be scavenged by the advancing Kntozis.

Their lightning advance came to a grinding halt though when Preston Pysh and Saifedean Ammous were exposed as being unable to articulate their arguments from a technical level. After Bitcoin Mechanic went on What Bitcoin Did, he had finally run out of Bitcoin podcasts to appear on and plead his case. Once again both parties were at a stalemate.

The Knotzis were on the outskirts of Vegas which was looking like it was going to be this wars version of Stalingrad. The entire fate of the war would likely be decided in the coming weeks. Suffering from injuries as a result of relentless beatings from Justin Bechler, Shinobi would not be able to represent the Coremunists in the Sin City, leaving them severely disadvantaged against the Knotzis ever growing army of technically illiterate podcasters. At the same time though, the Knotzis chief deity, Luke Dash Jr. would also not be attending the event.

The battle appears to be waging on and completely up for grabs.

To be continued...