Jamie Dimon Announces Presidential Candidacy After Being Implicated In Jeffery Epstein Investigation

Jamie Dimon Announces Presidential Candidacy After Being Implicated In Jeffery Epstein Investigation

Jamie Dimon announced his campaign for president of the United States earlier this week after news broke of his involvement in the decision for JP Morgan to continue banking convicted sex offender, Jeffery Epstein. Dimon held a press release to share the information, "I always kept things quiet about my personal involvement with banking Epstein. It was something I did not really care to share with the world, but now it's out there and there's nothing I can do about it. It seems the only and best course of action is to run for president as that's the best thing to do when you have public ties to Epstein."

Bill Gates, Noam Chomsky, Alan Dershowitz, Bill Clinton, and other notable personalities were quick to endorse the banker. "It's good to see another person running for president who I hung out with on Epstein's Island," said Bill Gates. "Dimon is a party animal and I've even played the saxophone with him a few times. I've seen him out drink Boris Yeltsin," said Bill Clinton.

It is unclear as to whether Dimon will run as a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or one of the joke parties. The Bugle reached out to Dimon and received this reply on the matter, "I don't want the American people to think that the banks are supported unequally by one party or the other, which is why I haven't announced which party I am running as. Both parties have shown equal support through the year as the banks own all the politicians. It really is beautiful. If anything, I want Americans to see how the government is controlled by bankers, and they have zero say in the matter. We know that what is best for us is best for them."

Bitcoin Twitter was not to happy about the announcement. Many memes were made to make fun of Dimon. One thing that is clear is that Dimon will be a pro CBDC candidate, and has a major disdain for anti CBDC candidates such as Ron DeSantis. Kanye West called out Dimon on Alex Jones' Infowars show saying, "You chose to bank that didler Epstein, but you unbanked me. Really shows where your priorities are at."

The announcement has brought a ton of controversy, but also a ton of support. Media channels such as Fox News, CNBC, and CNN are heralding him as a Patriot, seeking to step down from making a ton of money to focus on public service.

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