Jimmy Song Elected As First Bitcoin Pope To Solidify Doctrine

Jimmy Song has been elected as the Pope of Bitcoin after a secret meeting of the Bitcoin Cardinals. Cardinals include Giacomo Zucco, Der Gigi, Michael Saylor, Luke Dash Jr, and a handful of others who wish to remain anonymous. While the Pope has zero power over the Bitcoin protocol, Pope Song will wield tremendous power over Bitcoin religious doctrine.

One of the first orders of business is excommunicating blasphemers like Nic Carter, and Udi, as well as structuring a list of saints. Hal Finney will be established as the first Bitcoin saint and will be dedicated as the patron saint of quadriceps, as he never skipped leg day prior to his health declining.

Many potential blasphemers became agitated when learning of Song's new role. Will Clemente expressed his concern after saying, "I can't believe they elected a Pope. I literally just launched my $1000 course on shitcoins, and now I'm going to get excommunicated from Bitcoin. The Bitcoin maximalist religion is out of control."

The new structure will likely create massive disruption across podcasts and conferences, as both podcasters and conference organizers stand the risk of condemnation from the church for hosting speakers who are not in good standing. Sponsors will also be under scrutiny by the church.

Many individuals are quaking in their boots for fear of being called out by the Papalcy. Song has a long and rich history of calling people scammers. Now that he has a new position in the Church, it seems like his words are now backed with Bitcoin Maximalist Doctrine.