What has the world come to when corporations like Samsung, Apple, and Cold Card sue Santa Claus for manufacturing and distributing their phones? A group of companies announced this year that they would be suing the North Pole for billions of dollars after years of St. Nick disregarding intellectual property laws in order to just get kids what they want. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, was particularly hot and bothered this year as many parents put off buying their kids the new iPhone with Titanium, in order to wait and see if Santa would deliver it instead.
"Sales on Apple Watches, iPhones, laptops, and even Airpods are down significantly this year," Cook told the Bugle. "Not only is Mr. Claus completely disregarding intellectual property and giving out our products for free, he's manufacturing them without slave labor and making us look really bad. How he can get away with this is unfathomable. He's worse at respecting IP than the Chinese." Children around the world have reacted strongly against the corporations who have sued Santa, and now those corporations are facing serious backlash the likes of the Bud Light boycott.
The lawsuits against Mr. Claus have ignited an important discussion around intellectual property laws and how giant corporations may weaponize them against their competitors. While the North Pole is blatantly violating IP laws, many corporations participate in an activity called patent trolling, where their entire business model is suing other companies. Bitcoin mining companies Lancium and Caruso are both suing Santa, but they only appear to be hopping on the band wagon and do not seem to have much of a case.
One massive challenge for the corporations is finding a jury that will rule against Santa Claus in court. It will likely be a very polarizing issue as individuals on the nice list will likely support Claus, while individuals on the naughty list will likely vehemently oppose him. Whether Claus will actually choose to appear in court is unknown at this time, and it would not be surprising to see a warrant issued for failure to appear. NVK stated that, "The North Pole is only walking distance away from my house. His behavior is worse than Foundation's clear copy and past of the Cold Card code, which is why we changed our license. If he doesn't stop delivering our products this year, I will personally go to the North Pole and kick his ass."
Nobody expected corporate lawfare to be a predominant theme this year.