Has there ever been a more important time to orange pill your family? This year turkey is up over 45% in price compared to last year. Since last thanksgiving, you have watched your family's wealth get inflated away, and things would be radically different for everyone if they stopped having fun getting poorer, and chose to instead start stacking sats. Because of the horrible economic times, you have the moral justification to crash into their made up fantasy worlds like a wrecking ball to break the truth. Everything would be different if they just voted for the right politicians, listened to the right podcasts, started eating only meat, and DCA'd from a "Bitcoin only" exchange.
You have the possibility to create real change this thanksgiving by going and changing your family's opinion on religions, finances, and politics. These are all the most important discussions to have around the family dinner table and will almost definitely convert them to the way of Satoshi. Remember that failure to convert them will lead to them owning nothing, and likely being unhappy. If they do not seem to be receptive, keep pushing harder and harder until they get it. It's hard to undo all the conditioning they have received. You are literally asking them to do the opposite of what the TV is telling them to do. Here are the best 10 ways to ensure your moral crusade is successful this thanksgiving.
- Talk about how owning a Coleman's Tent doesn't count as being a property owner
Bitcoin is digital property that you can store in your brain by remembering 12 words. A Coleman tent is physical property and just because you set it up on a street corner in a major America city, doesn't mean you own that street corner. The tent can be confiscated, and you can be evicted from your camping spot, but those 12 words will remain in your brain as long as you don't do too much Fentanyl.
- Say Thermodynamics a lot
Saylor says it and sounds smart, so you should say it too. You don't have to know what it means, but it is apparent that Bitcoin is the only money backed by the laws of thermodynamics if you don't count the missiles being dropped in Syria right now to back the US dollar. Why would you save with fiat money when you can have thermodynamic savings?
- Explain why shitcoiners are scammers and why Bitcoin is better than Dogecoin
This one should be pretty straightforward. The TV has already told them that Elon is evil, so all you have to say is that Elon supports Doge to get them to hate it. If they like Elon, then it's probably a good idea to actually explain why Bitcoin is valuable. Show them charts on how Bitcoin outperforms Doge or something simple like that.
- Get them signed up on your favorite KYC exchange
Nothing says freedom like taking pictures of your ID and entering your social security number into an app or website in order to send them digital dollars in exchange for Bitcoin. Make sure to start the pitch off by talking about how Bitcoin allows you to route around banks, before helping them experience banks at their worst in order to acquire Bitcoin. Nothing says freedom money like more gatekeepers.
- Tell them about your favorite Bitcoin supporting politicians
Thanks to Dennis Porter, we now have Bitcoin supporting politicians. Now it's important to help your family to understand that if we don't vote for them and donate money to their campaigns, Elizabeth Warren is going to try and turn Bitcoin off. Bitcoin only works if politicians support it, so it's vital to engage in the political process.
- Interrupt dinner to play the clip of Saylor saying, "It goes up foreva Laura"
You want to make sure that Saylor is showing up in their dreams. It's not enough to know that it will make them rich really really soon, but that it will make them rich forever if they just keep hodling. Bitcoin isn't money but instead is digital property that just goes up even if you never do anything. You just buy it, forget about it, and then become rich.
- Explain how Bitcoin mining stabilizes the electric grid and saves the climate
You heard some Swanforcer say this right before they asked if you stacked today. It must be true that Bitcoin mining is the only possible way to save an electrical grid that is falling apart. Quote Pierre Rochard's tweets about Bitcoin mining, and talk about how much money Riot is making from curtailing. It's important to draw authoritative conclusions on the topic, regardless if you understand what you're talking about.
- Disown them if they refuse to self custody or want to buy paper Bitcoin
Buying GBTC is definitely a reason to no longer interact with your family. There are approved Bitcoin only KYC exchanges, and then there are unapproved KYC exchanges. Strike is okay, but Robinhood is for scammers. Self custody is the way which is why you will be getting all your family members Cold Cards for Christmas.
- Showcase custodial lightning and avoid explaining current on chain fees
Lightning is the obvious scaling solution, but managing your owning lightning channels is too damn hard, so that's why their first intro needs to be custodial lightning. Send them 10 sats on Wallet of Satoshi, and please direct them away from seeing what Ordinals are doing to the on chain fee market right now. Layer 1 was so 2017, it's time to focus only on layer 2's.
- Talk about how dollarizing the "global south" is good for Bitcoin
Yes, you have presented the use cases for Bitcoin, and now it's time to present the use cases of synthetic dollars like Tether and USDC. It's good for the poors down south to use dollars on Tron and Ethereum instead of Bitcoin because it gives them an escape from their horrible currency inflation. Bitcoin is to volatile to actually price goods and services in, so they should use the dollar instead. You got into Bitcoin to end fiat money, but have found that supporting fiat money is actually a productive activity for Bitcoin adoption. Bitcoin is more for saving, and Tether is for spending, but only for poors living in the south that don't have American banking.
You are a force for change and peace in the world, and furthering your mission may require some conflict at the Thanksgiving dinner table. You have prepared diligently and are ready to replicate these 10 ways to orange pill your family at Thanksgiving. Remember, you are never alone. Satoshi is with you.