The Bugle Awards

The Bugle awards are the most prestigious awards in the world of Bitcoin, with many a corporation, politician, and influencer working their hardest to be note worthy enough to be considered for the award. The winner of the award gets eternal bragging rights and solidifies their achievements that year into history. The nominations were taken incredibly seriously by the Bugle writers, and were determined after days of deliberation. Those nominations were then submitted to a Twitter poll, where the results were determined by an incredibly fair election process. Here are the results:

Best Bitcoiner of the Year

Ben Armstrong destroyed his competition by winning the Best Bitcoiner of the Year award. His year has been full of ups and downs and he was featured by the Bugle three separate times. While there are many incredible Bitcoiners out there, including his competition on this list, Armstrong prevailed in this poll due to his incredible and unshakeable integrity, stoicism, and the way he has been an incredible ambassador to the nocoiner world.

Best Politician of the Year

Elizabeth Warren is definitely the best Bitcoin politician on Capital Hill. While Cynthia Lummis was the influencers darling in 2022, Warren stole the show in 2023 with her very accurate criticisms of the Bitcoin network and its users. She is a bridge between the tradfi and defi, constantly pushing for sensible regulatory clarity to allow for the institutions who own her to really come in and pump the price. She was mentioned 8 times this year by the Bugle, making her possibly the most written about individual.

The Most Honest Institution of Journalism

The New York Times has been a bastion of integrity since it's inception. All Bugle writers read the Times daily in order to try and strive to meet their top notch journalistic standards. This becomes incredibly clear when they report on issues such as Bitcoin, economics, and war. While the Times has been accused of being a mouth piece for the CIA, it is important to remember that they are an institution that has long protected democracy by only seeking to inform the people with honesty. They have never, ever covered up horrible atrocities like war crimes, or advocated for wars on false pretenses which lead to millions of innocent civilians dying. Also their reporting on Bitcoin is top notch. In 2024, the Bugle will strive to be more like the Times.

Best US American City

Portland, Oregon won the Best US American City Award, likely due to the fact that it is home to the one and only Dennis Porter. Portland is a testament to the beautiful utopia that is created when you allow the communists to take over. The streets have never been safer, and income inequality has never been narrower. Their progressive policies of abolishing property rights by burning everyone's property to the ground is truly incredible, and is a playbook that will likely be followed in many more American cities.

Most Fiat City in America

Washington DC is truly a testament to the wonders of Fiat money. It is the home of our democracy, where the politicians meet with lobbyists to selflessly serve the people of this great nation. It is also the city where all the wonderful wars are planned in order to protect our great nation from outside attacks. No where else represents the worship of the state quite like the moments to government in the nation's capital.

Best Steward of Security

Ledger has been the default hardware wallet for years, due to their awesome UI and support of shitcoins. Many users clamored to the product after they had a major database leak of all their customers information a fear years back. Nothing promotes the idea of confidence in a product meant to store your Bitcoin, like a massive database hack. Later on in the year, the company began working on wonderful products like custodial products where other companies hold your keys. It's like keeping your keys on an exchange, but self custodying at the same time! They are true innovators and we look forward to how they are exemplary stewards of security going forward.

Best FOSS Project

NVK made sure to make it known to his competitors that he is the winner.   "Take that, we are the most FOSS Bitcoin project.  People should fear copying out code bc of how FOSS it is." Coldcard is considering releasing a new coldcard that so Foss only greg Foss can change the code.

Most Controversial Company to Rep At Christmas Dinner

While many consider Swan a controversial company to represent at Christmas dinner, FTX takes the cake for this award because of all the CIA controlled media coverage of it. Your grandma probably knows way too much about Sam's sex life and has strong feelings against him because what the TV told her. Maybe your uncle lost money on the platform and is a bit salty because he trusted Tom Brady. You will most likely get punched in the face for repping FTX gear to the Christmas table.

Best Twitter Meme Gang

Somehow the meme factory won this poll, despite after winning, claiming they aren't actually a meme gang... Members of TEM were quick to jump to election denying, and Yellow even tried to concede the victory to TEM, possibly because of fear for his physical safety. It was a hard fought battle, and Meme Factory was victorious, likely due to Bekka bribing voters with promises of sandwiches.

Most Creative Tweeter

Dan Held is the all time most creative tweeter. Art schools around the country teach courses on how to tweet half as creatively as he does. Unfortunately he is incredibly liberal with the block button, so it's not always easy to follow his originality and creativity.

Most Likely to Have A Higher IQ Than Magoo

Whether or not David Bailey has a higher IQ than the smartest individual on Bitcoin Twitter is unknown. What we do know is that Bitcoin Twitter users believe David is the most likely of the bunch to have a higher IQ. Dick definitely doesn't as he is only a midwit journalist. David was likely chosen for this award due to his great perspective on investing in Ordinals.

Best Sex Cult of 2023

There was an unprecedented amount of sex cults this year, but the best and most exclusive one has to be Swan. How one gets invited Bitcoin's version of Bohemian Grove is not known, but you most likely need to be in the elite of the elite of influencers. One of the rumored prerequisites of membership is a history of promoting/working for shitcoin companies, and then covering it up with militant Bitcoin maximalism.

Conclusions

It was an incredible year and congratulations to all the winners of the awards! Make sure to carry it with pride.