The Bugle's Guide To Buying Bitcoin Miners On Telegram

The Bugle's Guide To Buying Bitcoin Miners On Telegram

Authored by Bitcoin Maxipad

For the uninitiated home miner, getting good affordable equipment is essential to being able to heat your home and drive your family crazy with the whine of Sats being validated. There are a few stellar people and groups to work with.

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Scott Offord

First OG telegram pirate purveyor is Scott Offord. This Righteous Midwestern furry aficionado will allow you to use his 16,000 telegram channels to shill anything as long as you pay him a low 300/yr and provide KYC information. Having learned business practices from late-night injury lawyer infomercials while eating cheese curds this POS advocate has the personality of the priest who used to tickle you as a child. Scott must sell to fund his frivolous lawsuits while worshipping Craig Wrights BSV and litigious business prowess. He is known for having the best service with a lawsuit. Recently in a rare moment of clarity he spoke about mental illness in mining.  Nothing like selling high and settling lawsuits to show your Midwestern values.

Joe from Cryptech

Another wonderful titan of ASIC trash is Cryptech solutions they will KYC you for your safety while shipping your overpriced ASIC to Russia for the greatest hobby miner rug pull since Butterfly Labs. You may not have heard of these latest accomplishments because this classy couple are in a Love Triangle with non other than the savior of Bitcoin, Dorter and Penis. Rumor has it a sub TG group is dedicated these native fracking magnates spit roasting Dorter in a gimp outfit. $1200 lifetime membership gets you TGhub and Minerspeak.

If you prefer to power your miners with minors grab yourself some Alpha miner power supplies. These laser cut babies are manufactured by the same child slaves who mine lithium for the founders teslas. Mike S was quoted as saying "I live in LA and can quote ESG and Weinstein chapter and verse." and "If you jerk off in a plant is it really child abuse? Your Honor."

The weirdest yet most trustworthy bunch have to be Kaboomracks. Founded by the reincarnation of Howard Hughes and a Red Bull with a foot fetish. These marvelous misfits openly admit to having locked logistics, paying below market salaries and the ability to spit shine S9s so at least the fans turn. Never has a company succeeded so well on the spectrum.

Mining is a cutthroat business and Oleg the Russian will send one of his Thai ladyboys to slit your throat personally for mentioning his name or mother. None of these vendors will private message you but their Nigerian princes will, armed with your personal data. Cum join us at mining disrupt for the biggest geek circle jerk since revenge of the nerds 3D.

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