CNN In Talks With Iran & Israel To Air More Fake War Content

CNN In Talks With Iran & Israel To Air More Fake War Content

CNN is reportedly in talks with the governments of Iran, Israel, and the U.S. for a $2 billion TV deal which would give the media network exclusive rights to air coverage of the fake war between Israel and Iran. The deal reportedly includes licensing rights and even some say in the creative decisions of the war's script writing process which is largely controlled by the CIA.

"Once we realized the CIA was scripting this whole thing to distract people from far more important and impactful issues and we found out what those issues where, we knew we had to move fast. This thing is just getting started!" CNN CEO Mark Thompson said referring to the emerging new reality television genre of fake war. Reports indicate that Netflix bid on a deal but the CIA felt that the new war would feel more realistic if it was aired on a network news channel with little to no marketing about when episodes would air. "If a new episode airs at 10 PM on a Thursday night, it will feel super real compared to releasing all the episodes at once on Netflix." He noted. Another concern with the Netflix deal was their plan to make at least 20% of the cast for the conflict transgender. The CIA felt it would be too difficult to get approval from the Screen Actors Guild, the union representing Hollywood actors. "It's very likely most of them would have got murdered once they arrived in Iran. There's no way we could sell that to our budget committee. The lawsuits would pose too much risk to our budget and ability to spread Democracy"

Word of the potential deal has CNN's competitors scrambling to secure exclusive deals with other countries struggling with their public image who are desperate to for money laundering commissions from U.S. defense contractor and TV deal revenue. As of April 19, MSNBC has begun preliminary discussions with Russia and Ukraine over the rights to the season finale of their conflict which is transitioning to a fully scripted event this summer.

Fox News' coverage of the CNN fake war deal has been sharp and critical, particularly concerning questions about its legality. Sean Hannity claims the deal violates U.S. sanctions on Iran but a legal representative from CNN responded on Anderson Cooper's show last week that the CIA and Pentagon have assured them there won't be any issues over sanctions violations as long as the ratings remain high enough to keep people distracted from real news.

Fox also announced it will not pursue TV rights for any fake wars at this time. A spokesman for Fox told The Bugle the network anticipates political operatives will incite racial conflict between minorities and police to build support for tough crime laws or anti-police policy leading up to November's election. The spokesman said with all the other networks airing fake war content, they believe they can capture nearly 100% of this election year's race wars.

Lastly, Telemundo has reportedly reached out to several drug cartels, gangs, and even a few governments in Latin America to discuss potential conflict programming for its Spanish language news network. Although no formal discussion have taken place, there are rumors that several Mexican drug cartels are interested in transitioning to scripted activities in the wake of their recent deal to manufacture and distribute Fentanyl for the CIA which eliminates competition and the need for real murdering.

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