Coinbase Partners With Viagra In Effort to "Stay Up" During Bull Market
Today Coinbase announced a collaboration with pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, maker of the popular erectile dysfunction drug Viagra, to bolster the cryptocurrency exchange's cloud server infrastructure and prevent Coinbase from going down during the bull market.
The partnership, which is strictly marketing, will create a revenue sharing stream between the two companies and allow Pfizer to advertise its popular boner pills to cryptocurrency traders, who have a reputation for having low testosterone, while Coinbase will use the ad revenue to invest in better servers and computers so it doesn't crash every time Bitcoin demand increases.
Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong was quoted in the joint release stating that he's been using Viagra for over a decade and even though it probably caused him to lose his hair (Pfizer denies this), it's been a reliable way to "keep it up" through the stress and volatility of building his company. He states that he's excited to channel that energy and funding to give Coinbase customers, largely feds and retail idiots, a reliable product they deserve. "We promise Coinbase will be able to keep it up this bull market!" he stated.
Pfizer expressed its optimism being able to directly market Viagra to millions of Coinbase customers struggling with erectile dysfunction. "We are really excited for the new integration allowing customers to purchase Viagra directly in the app using USDC, the lowest testosterone cryptocurrency available to retail customers in the United States."
Pfizer's stock jumped on the news of the partnership after a recent slump due to losses in future expected revenue from mandatory Covid vaccinations and a slew of lawsuits against the company for its deceptive marketing of the vaccines. "During a Bitcoin bull market, people forget about everything else and just enjoy the price rising. Now, the Bitcoin price won't be the only thing getting up!"
